the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
