we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
