Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
