so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
