i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize