Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
