I seem to have left my pride at pride
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
