People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
