idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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