Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
love makes seman taste better
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
