He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she told me i tasted like america
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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