guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
