Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
