The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
