i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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