After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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