Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
