you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
