I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
