He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
