they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
