I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
