When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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