I just threw up on my dentist
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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