Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
