I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
