How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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