if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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