I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm like, not good at living.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
