So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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