Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
