wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I believe in your delicious
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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