R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
