Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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