you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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