if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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