the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize