Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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