pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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