I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize