Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
