Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
