How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
