With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
