I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
