Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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