Have you finally orgasmed yet?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
