Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
