And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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