Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
