I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
