At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
