Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
