Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
