I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
