It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
