Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's official drugs can't kill me
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
