At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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