Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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