So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
