Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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