he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the condom got lost in my hair
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
