hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
