I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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