think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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