I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
