Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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