Moan for me like Helen Keller
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
