nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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