In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
