threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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