Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
