just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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