Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
