after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
