Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
