You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize