Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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